Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it present...

Friday, February 12, 2010

ME?!?..Not "girly" enough???!!???...

I had another meeting with my teacher Colin last night before class. I was expecting us to do yoga and for him to help me with alignment and my feet. Well things went very differently and boy did I learn a lot!

We started out just checking out my feet. It’s funny because I’m very self conscious about them, but in the summer, you’ll notice the most decorated part of my feet. You would think I would want to draw attention away from them, but instead, it’s like I’m showing them off? I guess it’s me trying to be “normal” and fit in.
He had me go into downward dog. We noticed I collapse in my arches quite a bit, and a lot of my tension is up and around my shoulders and back because they’re compensating. We worked on fixing my tendencies (rolling inwards on my feet) and he showed me some exercises and things to do before, during and after my practice. He started to massage my feet, which at first felt GREAT...but then started to hurt a lot! He showed me how I have practically no range of motion in my ankles when I dorsiflex (moving my foot up and down) It was funny because he told me to relax, but I was so tight in through my ankles, calves and feet. He showed me the difference between his calves and mine. It was incredible. I can’t believe I’ve gotten so use to that feeling of tension, I didn’t even notice. After a while of massaging (I was in PAIN!) Things started to relax and loosen up. I also felt my body become flush with hot and cold chills. He was obviously releasing a lot of fluids and toxins.

I stood up and he had a look at my whole upper body. From my pelvis to my neck. I told him how I felt my hips were turned inwards, I actually feel like my entire body is curving inwards! Almost like I’m closing in on myself...WHAT AM I SCARED OF?!? I went into cobra and he started to adjust me. Melt this, open this, soften here, scoop this, puff this out, straighten, body was being completely realigned and then....CRAAAAAAACK! My back completely let go! He wasn’t even touching me, it was fantastic. I started to laugh because I felt so open and GREAT!

We worked a lot on my back, stomach, shoulders, hips and traps. He would get right into the muscle fibres’ and ligaments, a lot of the time I was in so much pain, tears actually came to my eyes. He didn’t stop either. He was trying to find something, and looking for the reason behind it. By the end of it HE was sweating and tired...I felt GREAT!

The one thing he told me he thought of was although I’m very feminine, and girly...I seem very HARD! I seem to be holding onto the sensitive part of me that is genuine and very sweet. I close off and don’t let others in. This is definitely taking a toll on my body. The HARDNESS is actually making my body HARD! I’m closing in on myself because I’m actually closing off the world.

Really?!?! Do you blame me? This last year has been a complete mess; however...I wouldn’t change any of it! LOOK at where I’m at now, LOOK at how much strong I am, and LOOK at how much more I’ve learned about yoga, the mind, body, spirit...and especially myself! I need to learn how to trust again, to open up, trust my instincts and trust the integrity of others, when it’s ok...and sometimes when it’s best to walk away. This isn’t going to happen overnight, but I’m working with myself everyday and I’m THAT much farther along.

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