After my weekend with Douglas, I had a few revelations. I wanted to speak with Colin again. I was still confused with our chat a few weeks back. This shouldn’t be THAT hard…obviously there was something I was missing. I wanted to speak with him about what Douglas talked about. My Suttva: “The optimal place of you” My question to Colin, what is the difference between my Suttva, and my boundaries? He said I holding back, but I feel I was trying the best I could…this is what confused me. I use the reference about the kid and the magic trick. Instead of just being satisfied with the magic trick, and being content with the unknown…I want to know HOW it’s done. When I left the office after Colin and I spoke a few weeks back I was confused because he didn’t tell me what to do, how to do it, and why. I left feeling uneasy and puzzled about my practice and myself. I really shouldn’t have let this go on for as long as it did because my practice reflected my insecurities, but I guess the universe new that Douglas and I would meet…and I needed to figure it out for myself.
Colin and I began our discussion about the difference between moving into your boundaries and being fully present in my practice. When I go to my practice at the end of the day I TRY to be there in the moment, but sometimes it’s hard when you’ve had a bad day, or something happened to you. That’s what I need to work on. Most of the time it’s not that I’m thinking about my “day” or life, it’s mostly about my FEET! I told him how frustrated I get and he mentioned that he was sorry for not spending the time on alignment with me and that the best thing I could do was to schedule a few hrs with just him to work one on one. WOW! What an amazing opportunity! What an amazing teacher as well. I’m so happy that he sees my strengths, weaknesses and my goals and only wants to assist me in achieving them.
We talked about what I WANT in life, in my practice. I told him that growing up my brother was the one who was always getting straight A’s and “applying himself” I was VERY different. I HATED school. I wasn’t good at it…which my Dad corrected me on last night. “It’s not that you weren’t good at it, you just didn’t try…you didn’t apply yourself” Which haunts me to this day because it was written on EVERY report card. I didn’t try because it didn’t interest me, I didn’t enjoy learning about what fractions were and WHY they added up to this answer. I’m enjoying THIS. I love learning about anatomy and physiology, another culture, language. I’m a more spiritual person. I love this about myself, because I’m good at it! I thrive in these types of conditions, and I always come out on top.
He then asked me the question that was leading up to my question…that made my heart race, and I started to sweat. He asked “why are you telling me all this” My question to him was, if he didn’t think someone should be taking this course, would you tell them? I was SO scared of his answer because I didn’t know. I started to break down. “ABSOLUTLY” he replied, and then asked if I thought that’s what I think. I said yes. He told me to evaluate the situation. I was in his office asking him questions. I was writing things down that questioned me. I was taking it into my own hands to figure this out…I was learning! From an outsiders perspective he said this was a silly question. From his point of view…This was exactly where I needed to be RIGHT NOW! Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! What a relief! He told me that if I didn’t question myself, my thoughts, my practice, I would be shifting, I wouldn’t be learning, I wouldn’t be moving forward…I’m in the right place, I just need to be more present in the moment. Alignment creates alignment and things will become clearer. Just being in my body, being focused-things will start to shift.
We talked more about my feet and my how I made the choice to not have the surgery before I started teacher training because I wanted to challenge myself and prove to myself that I could do this because I’m me, without having to change what I look like on the outside. I thought maybe I had made the wrong choice, and Colin thought differently. He said look to your feet as a gift. Things happen in our lives for a reason…did this happen to challenge my strength? He showed me site from Louise May “closest thing to a living saint” is how she’s described, an alternative healer. She believes in visualization, affirmations, nutritional cleansing without the use of drugs or surgeries. We looked up my symptoms…and this is what we found.
Physically, bunions are toxins that settle in the feet. A good nutritional cleansing program can help your feet feel more comfortable. Metaphysically, bunions represent a fear of the future. Remember, feet represent understanding and trust in Life. So with bunions, there’s fear of moving forward, and insecurity about being where you are. Also, there’s the feeling that too many demands are being made on you. It’s time to stand on your own two feet mentally. What is it you want to do? Where do you want to be? Learn to become more selfish and to think of yourself more. You’ve done more than enough for others. Your feet are telling you that it’s your time now. Do something for YOU! Love your feet! Massage them daily with love. Move forward in life, loving who you are, enjoying yourself, and thinking thoughts that make you feel good. Affirm I LOVE MY LIFE. I DO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY, AND I MOVE FORWARD IN JOY.
We both looked at each other, stunned and dumbfounded! If you know me…well…you will agree a lot of this makes sense. I finally was able to leave his office with a sense of stability, courage, openness and excitement. My practice that night completely reflected that too! I was happy, I am happy, and I look forward to being all I can be, in the moment, and LOVING myself completely.
Yesterday’s class was quite exciting as we’re moving more towards understanding the asana’s (pose/postures), inside and out! We started with Ukatasana, or chair pose. Basically, it’s like you’re sitting down on a chair with your arms over your head…but you’re not. My butt and thighs KILL today! It’s a great feeling. We literally spent 3 hours learning about this pose. The name, the Sanskrit name, the general form, the actions, tendencies, modifications, focal points, the reasons, alignments, adjustments….and so on. In my notebook it took up 6 pages, back and front. Now you understand when I say the hardest pose to do in yoga (for me) is a forward fold. I came home and was so excited about my day I started to talk to my Dad about it. I told him I had just spent 3 hours learning this one pose. He said “3 hours learning one pose?!?....” I had to take out my notebook to show him all my notes. He questioned “how does someone like him take a yoga class and expect to know what they’re doing?” I kind of laughed inside because it was like he was testing my knowledge. I explained that it wasn’t about getting the pose correctly; it was about getting the pose to work for you. Being enlightened, expanded and focused. He then asked” WHY do you need to learn SO much about the pose?” I told him, I was working towards my goal on becoming a yoga instructor and that means I need learn all of this so I’m able to help one reach that state of enlightenment, expansion and engagement. He said, “Oh, that makes sense”
"10,000-hour rule." When we look at any kind of cognitively complex field -- for example, playing chess, writing fiction or being a neurosurgeon -- we find that you are unlikely to master it unless you have practiced for 10,000 hours. That’s 20 hours a week for 10 years. The brain takes that long to assimilate all it needs to know to achieve true mastery.