Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it present...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What must the caterpillar do, so that it may one day fly...

Last night was packed...and VERY hot in Colin’s class. I can only guess it’s either because of the -20 weather, or those new year resolutions. In any case, it made for a difficult practice last night.

At the beginning of class we discussed when the world throws you a curve ball do you consider it a test? A test of faith? A test of character? A test of strength? Or, do you look at it as an opportunity? An opportunity to expand, believe, fortify.
Colin brought it to my attention after class that he thinks I’m scared. That I don’t always believe in myself and as a result not being able to go deeper, further or strengthen. You can imagine the anxiety this gave me. My yoga teacher, the one who decides if I pass or fail...and ultimately decides whether or not to offer me a position at his studio. I stood in front of him like a sad, very confused puppy.

“Really??!?!? I SWEAR, I’m not scared, I BELEIVE!!!!”

We continued to talk about what he meant. He could obviously tell he had hit something inside me, and I was upset. What I really value about Colin, is that he doesn’t sugar coat anything. He’ll tell you exactly how it is, and make sure you understand it. My favourite part was when he asked me if I considered myself “girly” in difficult situations. At first I didn’t know how to take that. He explained that he notices when I’m in a position/posture/situation I get anxious, and I step back. I’m scared to go into the realms of the unfamiliar. Push my boundaries. Be uncomfortable. I’m more likely to think the universe is testing me rather than giving me an opportunity to expand. He expressed that when the “girly” side takes over I don’t believe that things will be ok and work themselves out...good or bad. Rather, I should find the “diva” in me and have FAITH! I agreed with him to a certain extent. In some things I am scared. Yoga being one of them. Some poses and postures HURT when I go deeper, and there have been times when I have taken a step back. I also feel a little halted by the condition of my feet as I’m not able to do some of the poses. Now that I think about it, maybe I agree with him completely. Although I’m a strong woman, I have chosen the easy path over the uncomfortable/unknown path more often than not. NOW I have anxiety! How do I get over this? How do I trust myself, have faith that everything will work out? Colin said for him it would be more of a prayer to the universe.

My New Year’s resolution: TO HAVE FAITH!!! Look at every situation I’m in as an opportunity to expand and see that I’m limitless.

It’s funny how he “noticed” this. We’re on our backs during class. Our left leg was straight above us, and our right leg was planted flat on the ground, thighs pushing down. The strap was wrapped around the ball of my foot, with the ends in my hands (shoulders on the ground) Colin asked us to “Barbie” our foot. Toes expanded and pointed towards ourselves with the ball of our foot pressing up to the ceiling. If you played with Barbie’s for a LONG time like I did, this “Barbie” foot makes total sense to you. I felt like my leg was on a spring and I had to work very hard to keep it in to my body and straight up. Mind you, it was also nearing the end of the 90 minute class. Colin came over, grabbed my right thigh and planted it into the ground. His shoulder was against my leg pushing it back. I can’t tell you how amazing this felt. At the time I was too busy welcoming the stretch and endorphins rather than remembering to focus and continue to root my leg down. After class it was my comment to him about how it would be great to have someone there with me during my entire class to help you align, root and deepen. This is where he noticed the fact that I don’t believe this CAN and eventually will be done on my own....oops! My bad!

No comments:

Post a Comment