Again life is trying to get me to learn my lesson. I sometimes feel there are two parts to me. The one who KNOWS the answers and the truth, and the other who wants to not necessarily wants to play with fire, but feels the need to prove something…and not even to myself? What the hell is THAT all about?
I heard about a story about a jar that you drop nuts into for the monkeys. The monkey then comes along, reaches in and grabs a handful of nuts and tries to pull his fist out but he cannot. If he would just let go, he would be able to escape.
I guess they were trying to prove that “letting go=freedom” and I’m sure it does. However I can’t help but think, what if he only pulls one nut out at a time, little by little, he’ll get to enjoy the nut for the time being, and come back for more later?
What happens when there are no more nuts left? What happens when he becomes too greedy and wants more…he gets stuck…again.
Really, how important are THOSE nuts, can’t he look somewhere else for nuts?
I’m working on and learning to understand detachment.
When everything is going well in our lives, we feel strong and positive, we're healthy and inspired. When we're happy and in love, it's effortless to appreciate the discussions regarding detachment; however when we're faced with loss, anguish, and/or failure, it looks much more interesting and then becomes a salvation that can move us out of misery and into serenity.
For me it’s the fear that is stopping me from moving forward. I imagine a different life, one without the drama. I pause as I write this and think about how maybe it’s the drama I enjoy???
Inevitably, attachment can lead to suffering and detachment can lead to freedom; Or like I learned in the Bhagavad-Gita “When a man dwells in his mind on the object of sense, attachment to them is produced. From attachment springs desire and from desire comes anger." This again brings me back to the nuts and how the monkey probably got really pissed off when he couldn’t have the nuts….been there…done that! Ok sorry, enough with the nuts.
We all have our own journey to live, our own karmic debts and lessons to be learned. This is especially hard to detach from when it’s a lost love, a child, a family member because not only are we attached, but emotionally invested and ultimately it becomes a part of us, it’s who we think we ARE.
So instead of letting desire and anger get the best of us, we can learn to take one day at a time practicing the art of detachment, and surrendering ourselves to what is.
Baby steps, 5 of them actually...
1. Acknowledgement: The first step is actually realizing and understanding what you’re going through…and LET yourself go through it. Allow yourself to cry, scream, sit in silence, but actually allow the FEELING come to the surface.
This doesn’t just mean JUST recognizing the thoughts and feelings, but actually FEELING them and breathe through it.
2. Self Inquiry: Once you’ve acknowledged and felt those feelings, it’s a matter of tuning inwards and allowing those scars to show themselves. It about acknowledgment, but this time don’t let it get to you. It’s finding the middle ground to be able to be beside them without having those feelings have such an effect on you. Seek guidance from where ever you want and can, and ask to be healed.
3. Processing: This is the part when you can reflect on the journey you just went through (or have been going through) and pick out the positives regardless of how it all turned out. I truly believe we’re all here to learn lessons…sometimes it takes a few tries before we actually learn it.
4. Inspiration: Without processing we tend to sometimes become depressed because of the loss we have experienced. We feel we have lost control of our lives. Obviously allowing ourselves to mourn as well as ample time to move through the process at our own rate. Once we can get through the processing stage we can allow the creative juices to flow, the positive energy to release back into our system and give ourselves permission to get excited about starting fresh again. This is when you will feel most inspired to get out there again.
5. Freedom: you know you have reached full detachment when you can allow yourself to think about the things you’ve lost, AND what you desire without having it affect your wellbeing. “I feel a weight being lifted off my chest” Have you ever heard this phrase? This is the feeling of detachment. Nothing holding you down, nothing keeping you locked up.
I’ve gone through these steps many times through different stages of my life. I’ve even gone through them in the same circumstance…more than twice. Nowadays I tend to skip past the first step as I am already quite “aware” and go straight to the “Processing” part. What NEW lessons have I learned? Has anything changed? Will anything change? And most importantly will I be happier and fulfilled if everything changed back to the way it use to be? After the last question I usually jump straight to FREEDOM…as I already know my answers. I guess sometimes a check in is nice too.
I wrote this blog as recently I’ve had to go through these stages, again. I was also lucky enough to meet a young inspiring woman who I believe was brought into my life for a reason, at the least a great friend to practice yoga with. I still find it amazing that the universe does that sort of thing. I’m dedicating this blog to her and hoping she’ll also find peace and happiness in her journey as well.
“Kind nice attractive lady talks about her yoga class….and I come from behind, bag their heads and drag them into the studio”